Tanya Keenan
Faith
I sprang from the womb
---------dancing the Charleston.
My bones danced,
--------my heart raced,
------------------my feet flew,
And I knew nothing but earth and breath and energy and sweat and music.
That was Heaven.
That was when I first knew God,
---------who sang to me
---------and moved my limbs
---------and taught me to tap my feet
---------and smiled at my pirouettes
---------and laughed with me.
But then she came,
---------the quiet one
---------the shy one
---------the terrified little girl who trembled all the time.
---------A girl who stood still as stone.
---------It’s just that she was scared for me,
---------so she hid me,
---------only letting me out at certain times.
Eventually, it got too dangerous,
---------and her voice became louder than mine.
---------She held me close
---------whispering her fear,
---------so close I could not move,
---------so close I could barely breathe.
She left me with only memories of movement
---------hints of Grace
---------a shadow of God that I would struggle to find again.
I looked everywhere, mind you --
---------In bowing mosques,
---------------In flowering, singing temples,
------------------------In ecstatic forest circles,
-----------------------------In hymns that left my feet motionless and never left a ripple in my heart
-----I searched for God, whose shadow haunted me,
-----Tormented me with memories of song,
-----and left me aching.
-----A few times, I found God’s tracks in the dust.
-----But God is many things --
---------A coyote disappearing before your eyes,
---------A storm bearing down on your home,
---------A bear charging you, mouth gaping,
---------A rose exposing velvet petals to the sun,
---------A horse galloping across a plain.
-----Finally, I felt a tap on my shoulder,
---------and realized that God is the hunter,
---------not me.
-----I can only shudder sweet relief in the embrace
-----Of this lost Love,
-----Of One thought long dead,
-----As I am welcomed home,
-----As I find Heaven again
---------in earth
---------in breath
---------in energy
---------in sweat
---------in music
-----And I still do the Charleston
---------like I came out of the womb dancing.
© 2006 Tanya Keenan